"I statements" and "I messages"

 "I statements" and "I messages"

Today I visited a third grade classroom to help students better advocate for themselves with social problems by teaching them about "I statements". 

"I statements" are one of the best conflict resolution strategies and widely used in almost any therapy setting.  I use the "I statement" strategy a lot in my small group counseling sessions and I was thrilled to be able to share this skill with a whole class.  The "I statements" are such a successful strategy because it's a way of communicating feelings effectively without causing the other individual to become defensive.  When people use "You statements" to get their point across, i.e. "You made me mad when you left me out"; the other person will often become defensive because they might feel blamed.  Therefore, the other person won't be able to listen as empathically when their defenses are up.  When a student says something like; "I felt upset when I was left out of the game", kids are better able to understand the other person's feelings without feeling blamed.  We also practiced using "I statements" by breaking into groups and role playing some problem solving scenarios.  The kids did a great job with this activity and I hope it helps them the next time they come across a social problem!