As parents and educators we naturally feel a strong urge to protect our children and students, protect them form difficult things. But as life would have it; difficult and tragic things happen. A loved one dies or a child views something violent and scary on the news; and we are left feeling nervous about how to proceed. Here are some tips and resources I have gathered on this important process.
I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is to show them how we cope in times of distress. Showing our children that 'it's okay to not be okay'. It's okay to be honest about our own feelings. We may not always know all the answers or be able to solve every problem right away. But there are small and manageable things we can do to handle these feelings. I'm often amazed at how well most kids can handle difficult news. Kids will follow our lead, if we can set the tone in an honest genuine way that we can get through this, they will take comfort in this.
If you are not sure where to start, it can often be helpful to lead these conversations with questions. Try to find out what they know and answer questions in an honest and concrete way. Try not to be scared about the truth; sometimes the imaginary situation they picture in their head can be worst than the truth. When adults are not truthful, it can send the message 'this is too big and scary for you you handle', instead of sending the message we can handle this no matter what.
Here are some helpful responses to have in your back pocket for these conversations:
"This is really hard right now, but I also know that we can deal with this and get through it together"
"It's totally normal to feel worried, sad or angry right now. Let's see how we can take good care of these feelings".
"I am here for you no matter what"
"I am feeling _________ too and this is what helps me when I feel this way ________."
"No matter what, we can be kind and forgiving to each other".
"I don't know" or "As soon as I find out more information I will share it with you"
Be sure to end these conversations with signs of reassurance. Whether you are assuring them you can handle this together or that there are resources, helpers and safety measures available.
*If your child does not handle the situation well and things become escalated or stress continues to be overwhelming please reach out and seek professional help.*
Resources:
https://www.apa.org/topics/journalism-facts/talking-children
https://www.goodinside.com/podcast/5476/when-talking-to-kids-about-hard-things-choose-truth-over-comfort/
https://wholeheartedschoolcounseling.com/product/supporting-children-in-uncertain-times-free-sel-poster/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-on-depression/201612/the-dos-and-donts-of-talking-with-a-child-about-death
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